Why I waited 10 years for a photoshoot.

Why I waited 10 years to book a photoshoot…

Here it is. All truth.

Someone asked me this the other day, as in the online business world, women are doing brand shoots once or twice a year. And I haven’t.

Consciously, I was telling myself I don’t need to spend my money there, as I have been hiring coaches and mentors and spending my money there. That’s good finance decision making on my part, I do believe that.

And I have some nice pictures from events.

And I like sharing real in the moment pictures for my marketing.

But friends…what I didn’t know would happen is….

Next level self development growth.

If you know me, I am a self development junkie. A soul development junkie.

Give me an opportunity to grow and I will take it.

Yes it’s uncomfortable but truthfully…I have never felt the most clear and free inside my mind, body and soul…and life. I am 55. I have done this work for over 10 years. I have had hard conversations with my husband, dad, brothers, kids, friends….and myself.

I have had to feel judgement. I have had to notice where I was judging and shift it.

I have had to experience taking things personally.

I have had to move through grief multiple times.

I have had to move through the journey of menopause.

I have had to wait in a hospital waiting room for my Dads 6 hour successful open heart surgery.

I have had to move through being scared for my Dad, when he had the worst terrible experience he has ever gone through, twice.

I have had to work through the worry a Mom goes through when her kids are going through hard times. 

But….on the other side of it all….

Clarity.

Peace.

Calm.

Trust.

Inner knowing.

Strong intuition.

Confidence.

Empowerment.

Enlightenment.

Overjoy.

Deep flourishing Happiness.

It’s not perfect, but boy is life extraordinary now. 

Even with all the ups and downs that continue to come. 

I fully TRUST that I am to move through, learn and grow and peace is on the other side.

I trust all will be well.

I love this life.

It’s an ongoing journey….still growing, still shifting, still making my way.

Supposedly there is infinite depth of calm and peace and love to experience.

SIGN ME UP!!!

Okay back to the photoshoot story….

I started getting guided (from the Universe, and my inner spirit) to book a photoshoot.

I have grown a lot professionally in the last year. I was on Breakfast TV, I held my 2nd large women’s event with my girlfriend. The podcast is growing. I am now on other peoples podcasts. Soon I will be on stages around the world.

This has been next level growth just in the last year.

All while being a Mom to adults and a daughter to an almost 90 year old who lives far away.

Hello emotions!!!! I digress….

And so, the guidance to getting updated pictures was clear. 

My whole identity has changed, uplevelled as I like to say.

All by intentional living, thinking and speaking!

18 months ago, I decided to BECOME the next grandest version of myself, one day at a time.

Instead of just thinking about it, I started taking scary action and here I am.

I have been using the same headshot for the last 10 years and well, my essence has changed. My soul expression is different. And I wanted my 55 year old self to be out there, so I can attract this age group, as this is the age group (give or take 5 years) I desire to serve and support.

So I said yes….little did I know it was going to be another growth experience.

One thing I am working on is not leaving things to the last minute.

What I know about myself is I avoid the things that are not natural for me, that feel ‘hard’. 

So what’s easy is booking the hair dresser and makeup artist. 

What’s easy is working out and keeping myself feeling strong and energized.

It wasn’t perfect and actually wasn’t about “getting in shape” for the photoshoot, it was for energy and feeling so damn good in my body. 

This is a new piece, as 10 years ago, I would have been working out to look slimmer and with a flatter tummy in the pictures. Actually, 10 years ago, one of the photoshoots were after a fitness program to get me in the fitting shape ever. It worked, but wasn’t sustainable for me. So even this, I may have had some subconscious or unconscious blocks to photoshoots based on those past experiences…..I have worked hard to accept my changing menopausal stage body so I am realizing now I may have been resisting it unconsciously.

This time, I honestly just wanted my face to be less inflamed, or the least amount of inflammation. I notice now, as a woman in post menopause, some foods and drinks inflame me quickly…the bags under the eyes are more prominent and my face gets puffy. I truly didn’t want to have that experience with the pictures when they came back.

So I just did my best with how I ate and what I consumed to keep myself less inflamed. I did not go on a diet, I did not deprive myself…I just had less inflammatory foods.

This alone has been self empowering.

But the clothes. Oh this stressed me out. I am learning about fashion in my 50s. My mom seemed to have this natural talent and my daughters have this natural talent. Mine is learned….and I am now saying “I get to learn” vs “I am not good at fashion’ or ‘fashion skipped over me’. 

Remember the Universe is always listening and law of attraction is always at play.

I hadn’t even caught myself until this photoshoot. It was staring me right in the face.

I had the moment of overwhelm come back.

I was at the mall, the day before the shoot and still felt like I wanted a funky blazer and one other pair of pants to choose from.

I came home with many bags and a feeling of overwhelm.

I knew I needed two things: 1. To sit still and just BE. and 2. To start putting the outfits together on my bed so I could see and feel into what felt best for me.

I did both. I sat on the sofa and closed my eyes, had a warm blanket over my body to signal my nervous system to feel safe. And I took deep breaths and repeated “all is well Binu, you’ve got this. Just slow down and all will be well”.

Also, my photographer had said something magical to me. I voice texted her to let her know I would send her some pics of the outfits but that I was feeling overwhelmed.

She said: “Binu you just show up and once you are here I will take care of the rest”.

That brought me comfort.

Once I calmed myself, and took a few moments to chill (get regulated in my mind, body, and soul), I organized the outfits and it was coming clear. I knew which ones I wanted and brought the extras to get her input.

And once I arrived, she did what she promised, she took care of the rest.

She helped me decide on the final outfits.

She walked me through what we would do.

Her essence was so calm, I could match her vibe and I felt calm.

I felt super present and excited to just have fun.

What I did do on my own is my inner work in every moment, as I put the new outfits on and my new high heels (something happened when I turned 50, seems harder to stand in high heels and I have a broken ligament in one toe so that doesn’t help either). 

As she was checking lighting, and her camera, I was closing my eyes, getting internally present with my deeper self, taking deep breaths to connect to my heart, soul, my inner spirit, my essence.

This going inward practice to be present with myself has been the key to living my extraordinary life…one with calm and peace and inner knowing as my foundation. Self- talk mastery is my best friend and it’s what I love teaching my clients the most. I walk the talk and it’s been life changing. You know you have two voices in your head right? One that is negative is just louder for some of us and we need to make the loving one louder now. If you don’t know how, just ask, I will let you in on the secret that is not really a secret.

I’ve rinsed and repeated enough times now over the years, that this is my go to whenever I feel overwhelmed and I can quickly adjust my thoughts to something more abundant, uplifting and good.

In the end, I said to myself “Binu just have fun”. 

And so I did.

It was so fun. From the fan blowing my hair back, I was feeling like a super model, a Queen in my own show!

Changing outfits and jewelry and shoes, and poses was so fun.

This photographer is so creative and wanted to try some trends she saw, and that was fun.

I felt so great. I felt like a million bucks.

I fell deeper in love with myself.

I felt this deep feminine power within me.

I thought…this is the ultimate “self joy for women”.

What for some seems selfish, maybe a waste of money to others, turned out to be the most epic experience for me. Bottom line is you get to do what makes you feel good and that’s it. That’s what matters most. Other people will always have opinions…you get to do what feels good!

I love getting my hair and makeup done by someone else. 

I know I am so worthy of luxurious experiences and unapologetic about it.

I want this for you too. If you want it. Or maybe your “photoshoot” day looks like something else.

For me, I felt like the Queen I know I am deep down inside.

The leader in my family, the leader in my business, the leader in my community where I get to share my wisdom and knowledge and growth. To me the Queen is nurturing and shines a light on others to help them believe in themselves more and helps them realize their greatness and their abilities.

That Queen is who I know I am and I can feel her on the inside.

This photoshoot let my outsides catch up to my insides.

And so it was.

Can’t wait to share the pics and more video of this experience when they come out.

I also had a big magical idea to create a day like this for a few women, like a photoshoot retreat day. So you also can feel fantastic on the inside and outside and work to make both parts of you match up.

It’s going to be epic.

Thanks for being part of this journey with me.

Xo.

Binu