Prove them wrong or prove yourself right?

Prove them wrong or prove yourself right?

This came to me while I was at an event last week when a woman asked the speaker a question.

I have been investing in many events lately. 

I do love the in person events right now, that in person connection is 10x more powerful than online, but I am welcoming both into my life as that’s how I am able to make the impact I wish to make in the world.

Maybe you feel the same. We can embrace both.

So at this last one, it was a room of younger moms mostly. Moms in business but if I had to guess, the average age would be 37. Yes, specific I know;)

During one of the keynotes, there was this one question from the audience which reminded me of myself about 8-10 years ago.

She asked how to deal with it when your husband doesn’t support what you do.

I also have had clients often say to me, their husband questions what they do, a lack of belief I would say in what she is building. Her mission, her grandest vision.

During that Q&A, I heard someone say, “just go prove him wrong girl!!!”.

I may be paraphrasing so if you were there and didn’t hear this…well that’s what I heard in my head. 

I know why, as I had this thought years ago, in my early 40s.

But if I was able to speak to that woman today, I would have shared the following....

As a Mom myself, I was there many years ago.

I was investing in coaching, in masterminds, trying to grow my coaching practice, but the revenue wasn’t coming in.

As an accountant, my husband would ‘ask’ about it all. He mainly manages the money in our home, so in hindsight I know he wasn’t questioning me, or shaming me…he was just asking.

But because of my own lack in belief in what I was building, my own worthiness issues years ago, I heard something different in my mind.

And I would often say to myself “well I will show him!!!”.

But that energy didn't help me and definitely didn’t help our relationship.

It created this resistance between us, and I could feel it.

And if you have been here for a while, you know the energy a woman carries speaks louder than her words!

The moment of change came when I was coaching young teens in the pandemic.

I often heard them say “my parents don’t get me”, and “I will prove them wrong”.

In one moment, I could see the despair, the lack, the shame, the low emotions.

What came out of me was this: “What if you worked to prove yourself right?”.

AND…..

In the case of the women and their husbands, I had another idea, one that I had used for myself.

I once said to my husband “do you believe in me?”.

He said “yes”.

I said “well some days when you ask me things, I don’t feel like you do and that affects me negatively and makes me not want to share what I am creating in my business”.

He said “oh that was not my intention”.

So we resolved that…and I said:

“It would be so helpful for me if you showed your belief in me, cheered me on, supported me with your words and actions”.

And so it is.

This is where we are now.

We must seek to be understood and at the same time seek to understand the other.

We must communicate friends, calm communication. It's the only way someone can 'hear' us, and I mean truly 'hear' us.

I know for many women, it’s not this quick of a resolution.

But for many of us, it is this simple.

We misunderstand each other all the time and truly, the logical men, don’t realize their one little question, affects our deep emotions.

What if you asked your spouse to try to “understand what you are doing”?

What if you had a courageous conversation and shared your vision and how much their support would help you in building what you are building, while you are the main caregiver for the children?

I am sharing my personal story and experience and maybe this resonates with you too. Or maybe you can see a part of yourself in my story.

Conversation, from a calm place…the communication at a deeper level is what is needed for most.

The one thing I know is resentment can build fast and it is making people internally sick.

I don’t want that for anyone.

So I’d love to leave you today with this idea about ‘speaking up’ for yourself with your closest people.

It truly just may be a misunderstanding. Learn to speak to each other from a place of love and understanding. It goes a long way.

And if your spouse/partner can’t understand you or isn’t willing….consider hiring a coach or therapist. Truly, this is the most important relationship for me….it trickles down to my kids. We have done coaching….it has helped. We continue to talk and clear the air when needed. It’s ongoing work.

Free up the emotions in your relationships…and remember, always come from calm and unconditional love. 

Until next time.

Xo. Binu

ps. I have a program on how to transform your closest relationships with the art of communication. No one taught us. And so I went on a quest to learn, I put things in to practice and I have to say, my relationships in my home all have ease and understanding. I move through conflict quickly. Resentment doesn't build. This is legacy type work, for the kids. And their kids. I want this for you too. It's here. It's yours if this calls you.